So, in the middle of grading this week, I’ve been interviewing research assistants for the summer. Each candidate had to come to the interview with a negotiation story and a lawyer joke (mostly for the purposes of cheering me up during grading!) The following joke is the winner and also a great argument for why litigants and their lawyers might not want their day in court. Hope this cheers up all the fellow graders out there.

When Grandma Goes To Court

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’

She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams.

I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me.

You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do.

I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.

He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.

He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state.

Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife.

Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’