The following is a post from Natalie Fleury, the dispute program manager here at Marquette about an incident last weekend:
I was the victim of a walk by insult last weekend, and I’ve been trying to process my thoughts and feelings about it. After church on Sunday (I’ll discuss the church part in a minute), my son, daughter and I were running errands to get ready for my daughter’s 8th birthday party this weekend. We had just climbed out of our mini-van, which sports two bumper stickers supporting particular political candidates, when a man walking about 5 feet away turned to me and yelled “thanks for ruining my country!”
Now, as my friends and colleagues will tell you, I am one of the most non-confrontational people you will ever meet. I’m known for my patience, my ability to get along with just about anyone, and my long burning fuse. I briefly considered just letting the comment roll off my back, but found I couldn’t just let it pass, particularly since my 8 year old daughter and 11 year old son were with me. I turned to the man, who had continued walking with his family down the row of cars and yelled back “that was uncalled for – we all have to live here together.” Not the most inspired response, but it’s what came to mind at short notice. Still walking away, the man pointed to the large crest on the back of his jacket that proclaimed “US Marine” and yelled back “I fought for my country in Iraq” to which I responded “I fight in different ways.” He didn’t turn around, but I believe there was a particular gesture included when he pointed at the crest on his back.
My children and I continued into the store, at which point I started trying to debrief the situation. We talked about whose country it is, the 1st amendment, rudeness, and the fact that so often people are willing to condemn others just because they look or think differently. One of the key ironies that struck me was the fact that part of the discussion at my Unitarian Universalist church last Sunday morning had to do with the current lack of true dialogue in political debate, most recently as it relates to healthcare. This man knows nothing about me other than the fact that I drive a blue mini-van with two bumper stickers, yet he felt he could belittle in front of my children without learning anything else about me. Rather than entering into a constructive discussion about how our political views may (or may not) differ, he made a scathing comment on the move and when I responded, refused to turn around and discuss it with me face-to-face.
I’m not sure he would necessarily have thought any differently about me if he knew that my father was in the Air Force in the 1960’s and retired from the Reserves as a Major. What if he knew that I have spent a good portion of the last 18 months of my life working on a mediation system for homeowners facing foreclosure, a nationwide crisis that many would lay at the feet of decisions made during previous administrations? As a conflict resolution professional working hard to increase awareness of the power of dialogue, I sure would have liked the opportunity to find out.
I took a few minutes and entered the “Sphere” at the coffee party site – interesting tool from a CM standpoint – hope it can promote constructive dialogue.
Shortly after I posted the comment, I saw a story about the “Coffee Party,” which is intended to promote cooperation in government. Here’s the mission statement from its website:
COFFEE PARTY MISSION STATEMENT: The Coffee Party Movement gives voice to Americans who want to see cooperation in government. We recognize that the federal government is not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will, and that we must participate in the democratic process in order to address the challenges that we face as Americans. As voters and grassroots volunteers, we will support leaders who work toward positive solutions, and hold accountable those who obstruct them.
http://www.coffeepartyusa.com/
I don’t know anything about the group or leadership but on its face, the idea of promoting cooperation sounds good.
I’m really sorry that you and your children had to deal with this situation, Natalie. As you indicate, it really is a reflection of the sad state of the political and social culture in the US these days. The processes for handling major conflict are seriously deteriorating before our eyes. It is normal for people to feel angry at times but we need better ways to deal with the anger. Disingenuous argument, namecalling, and threats are on the rise. Open-minded efforts to respect each others’ perspectives, listen, and solve problems together seem to be declining. We have seen other periods like this in our history. Hopefully a substantial majority of our leaders and fellow citizens will decide soon that this is unacceptable and choose a more constructive way. Unfortunately, I think we are in for a bad period for a while.